Stranded
by PhantomCatcher
Summary: When the hobbits are stranded on what they think is a deserted island, madness ensues. Each hobbit kept a diary, though, and that is how this story came into being...
1. Frodo's Diary

Stranded  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters featured in this story. I wrote this purely from the insanity that lives in my mind. The voices told me to do it...I swear... And sorry to all the fangirls who may be offended by this, I'm one too. My friends persuaded me to write this, so blame the voices and my friends. *huggles Frodo* SOORY!!! Also, this being the first story I am posting, I do not know if I have rated it properly. If you think the rating should be changed, just mention it in a review.  
  
Frodo's Diary  
  
Day 1: Sam, Merry, Pippin, and I have landed on this island. We were supposedly heading to an island for this "Survivor" game, but got a little lost.  
  
Later: Boat sank. We lost all of our food, supplies, and, most importantly, hobbit weed. I think we're screwed. Sam has been climbing trees and acting like an idiot. He's starting to tick me off. Merry and Pippin left to explore the rest of the island. So, basically, I'm alone with a freak.  
  
Day 2: Merry and Pippin aren't back yet. It must be a big island. I think I'll stay right here on the shore, though, incase anyone comes looking for us. Gah... I want some weed really bad. All there is to eat is coconut. I wonder if you can smoke coconut... I'll have to try.  
  
Later: You can't smoke coconut. End of story. Sam is quiet for now. I think he fell out of a tree. I swear I didn't do it!  
  
Day 3: The two still aren't back yet. It's driving me crazy! Sam is still out cold. It's quiet...too quiet...  
  
Later: Sam woke up. I liked it better when it was quiet. The freak wants me to climb trees with him, like I would. Due to an...accident...with a coconut, Sam is out cold again. Freak...  
  
Night: Dammit! The freak woke up while I as taking a nap and stole my pants. It's so friggen cold, and he won't tell me where he put them. He told me I should make palm leaf pants, likely. If that freak does one more thing to tick me off...  
  
Day 4: Sam is dead. I couldn't take the pressure. I tried to catch fish using Sam as bait, failed. After countless hours I still can't find my pants. Its cold at night...  
  
Later: I gave in and made palm leaf pants. They're ugly and green. I hate green. Everything on the stupid island is green. Why couldn't it be purple? Or orange or something? Sam is probably laughing at me right now, from Hell that is. He better not be anywhere but Hell...  
  
Day 5: Too...quiet...  
  
Later: I tried smoking coconut again, I think it worked, 'cause I woke up in a palm tree. It was green. I tried to chop it down with Sam's body. It didn't work.  
  
Day 6: Sam is starting to smell. Really bad. Worse than Aragorn even. I tried putting palm leaves on top of him, but they all shriveled up and turned to dust.  
  
Later: I tried feeding Sam to a shark, but it ran away. I am pantless yet again. I tried to bury him in the sand, but as soon as I got close my pants disintegrated.  
  
Day 7: I finally set the bastard adrift on the ocean. As he floated away I noticed he was wearing my pants all along. Screw him.  
  
Later: (This sentence was written in the drugged hobbit language.) Cocunot wed iz evry jood. (Translated to: Coconut weed is very good.)  
  
Day 8: I'm starving. I smoked all my coconut weed, so now there's no coconuts left to eat. It's too quiet...  
  
Later: Where the (swear word written then scribbled over) are Merry and Pippin? I hope they're dead...  
  
Day 9: I...need...weed...  
  
Later: I wonder what palm weed is like...  
  
Day 10: Merry and Pippin finally came back, but they acted all odd. They stole my palm weed, too. I hate them. They did say they'd give me some back later though.  
  
Later: (This sentence was written in the drugged hobbit language.) Dubes, bd LAm /V\qb !z A3jNE. (Translated to: Dudes, da palm weed is awesome.)  
  
Day 11: The duo is gone again. They took all my palm weed. Told me to smoke sand weed.  
  
Later: Sand isn't weed. I learned that well. I wish Gandalf was here, he has lots of weed.  
  
Day 12: It rained last night. I guess I should have built a shelter. Oh well, its not like its gonna rain every night.  
  
Later: It's raining again. At least it's not quiet anymore, but now its wet. I have yet to catch a single fish. Sand doesn't taste good.  
  
Day 13: HOORAY! A dead fish washed up on the shore! FOOD!!!  
  
Later: (This message was all squiggly and such and hinted that writing it was hard.) I was allergic to the fish. I'm all puffy and can't write right.  
  
Day 14: The puffiness passed and now I'm hungry again. It's raining. The coconuts aren't growing back fast enough.  
  
Later: That's it! I'm eating the diary! ICK! It tastes like Sam crap. Urgh...so hungry...  
  
(Large bite mark on paper)  
  
Day 15: I must be hallucinating. I coulda sworn I saw a camera staring at me from a palm tree. When I went to check it out, nothing was there. I bet I'm dying. But...if I die...I might be sent to Hell with Sam. MUST STAY ALIVE!!!  
  
Later: Yet again, rain.  
  
Day 16: Ok, that's it. I'm giving those brats two days to get back here, or I'm going after them! Or not... Well.... if I feel like it...  
  
Later: I am officially going insane. I KNOW I saw a camera.  
  
Night: AUGH! Sam's body floated back, but know the head is gone and it smells worse than when Bilbo farts.  
  
Day 17: I've turned cannibalistic. Yes, I ate Sam. He tasted like...uh...oh, I know. He tasted like cheesy Aragorn hair. Quite disgusting. I used the bones to make a shelter.  
  
Later: I have come to the realization that I'm going to Hell. Must go...do...stuff...  
  
Day 18: Today I made some hobbits out of coconuts. I found some manure and put it on Bilbo, so now it smells really realistic.  
  
Later: Merry pushed Pippin's head off. It rolled into the ocean, so know he's headless. If you look hard enough, it sorta looks like Merry is smirking.  
  
Day 19: Bilbo keeps farting. It's getting on all of our nerves. Except for Pippin, since he can smell...or think...or see.... or hear....  
  
Later: Pippin and Merry keep poking each other. They won't friggen stop.  
  
Day 20: Merry drowned Bilbo last night. I wish I could have seen it.  
  
Later: The hobbits really ticked me off, so I ate them. I'm going in search of the real hobbits tomorrow.  
  
Day 21: I set out at...sometime in the morning. I don't have a friggen clock you know.  
  
Later: I have yet to find anyone.  
  
Night: OMG! Bananas! FOOD!!!  
  
Day 22: The bananas were good. Very good. I'm going off to find Merry and Pippin again.  
  
Later: I've found a tall wooden wall. It goes on and on in both directions. I'll have to climb over it.  
  
Night: It takes hobbits a long long long long long long long long time to climb a wall...  
  
Day 23: I hope I find those two today...  
  
Later: AAAAAAUUUUUGGGHHHH!!!!!!! SCREW THOSE $#(!$%!#$^)#%^&#$(%&$^&$(^%&$*(^)&#$)%&#^#*($^%#*!)($&%#$(^#(&^#$(*#)*($&#*$ ^%#)*$^#)*$^!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I finally found them, and they were being hand-fed by tropic-elves! ERR! I CAN'T STAND THIS ANYMORE!  
  
Day 24: Uh...hi. This is Pippin. Frodo committed suicide. I didn't have anything to do with it, I swear! Poor Frodo... I guess we took the joke a little too far...  
  
END 


	2. Sam's Diary

Stranded  
  
(This chapter is currently incomplete)  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters featured in this story. I wrote this purely from the insanity that lives in my mind. The voices told me to do it...I swear... And sorry to all the fangirls who may be offended by this, I'm one too. My friends persuaded me to write this, so blame the voices and my friends. *huggles hobbits* SOORY!!!  
  
Sam's Diary  
  
Day 1: The hobbits and I are stuck on a deserted tropical island. I think it might be my fault, too. I sorta drew on the map...it was fun!  
  
Later: In an attempt to bring the weed to shore, my foot went through the bottom of the boat. It sank. Luckily, though, I was able to recover the weed and hide it in a coconut. The others don't know about it, so I have my own private stash. Merry and Pippin have gone off to look around the island. I better go check on my weed...  
  
Day 2: Urgh.... I finally regained consciousness with a massive headache. I think I fell out of a tree... How I got there, I don't know, but a large amount of my weed is gone... I can't believe I smoked that much... Damn, Frodo won't climb trees with me. It's fun, too!  
  
Night: Err, I just woke up again. I think Frodo knocked me out with a coconut. Well, now it's payback time. I stole his pants while he was taking a nap and made a little fort out of them and palm branches in the tropical forest. Now I have a little house full of weed all to myself. It's fun to watch Frodo suffer in the cold. He keeps complaining though, so I told him to make palm leaf pants. He refuses, but I don't know why...  
  
Day 5: I woke up in a, get this, BED!!! Merry and Pippin then walked in and explained everything to me. It seems, well, it's complicated. In short, when Merry and Pippin went off to explore the island, they found out it was actually a tropical resort... Aw, screw it. It's too long. Anyway, I'll have to thank them for saving my life after Frodo cracked.  
  
Later: I gave the two what was left of my weed as thanks. It turns out there isn't any weed on the island, so the three of us sold it. We each bought a tropic-elf servant and then combined the rest of our earnings to buy a camera.  
  
Night: Currently, I am sneaking off to Frodo's camp. I have been put in charge of placing the camera somewhere where Frodo would never look. Placed it under a rock, he'll never look there. Wow, the coconut dummy Merry made is really stupid. Frodo must be going blind if he really thinks it's me. The camera will tell all in the morning.  
  
Day 6: We're watching the tape right now. It seems Frodo DID make palm pants then. They look funny on him. The Sam dummy is really starting to smell. Probably not as bad as Aragorn, though.  
  
Later: Frodo's pants disintegrated when he got near the dummy. This tape is so funny!  
  
Day 7: Frodo finally set the body adrift. As it floated away he suddenly exploded, remarking that the body was wearing his pants. It wasn't. He really must be going blind.  
  
Later: Oh my gosh! Frodo just got high from smoking coconut weed! It's hillarious! He keeps walking into trees and tripping over his own feet! This is great... 


End file.
